Ugly Amnesty 8 – Tigra Roars

For new readers, Ugly Amnesty is a spoof series of interviews led by Detective Didyoumakethat. They allow Creators to share makes that have been … less than successful. Our aim is to embrace our challenges as well as our successes – and to have some fun! You can read the rest of the series by clicking on the links in my sidebar. And if you want to be featured, get in touch. Detective Didyoumakethat always has a spare glass of whisky for visitors to his office, above the mean streets of Chicago.

Liza Jane seemed like a normal woman, living a normal life – teaching by day, sewing by night. She blogged about upholstering sofas or sewing hot pink pants. Sugar wouldn’t melt – or so the authorities thought. Great way to keep your secrets safe, by putting your sewing on the web.

The truth was somewhat different. Liza Jane’s life had changed last summer. There had been a full moon and Liza Jane was sewing. Little did she know, but her nextdoor neighbour was conducting a terrible science experiment. When dynamite destroyed his lab and her sewing machine, a splinter of petri dish embedded itself under her fingernail as she was changing the bobbin on her latest make.

That neighbour had been creating a super-cat and now, Liza Jane harboured a terrible secret.

Liza Jane WAS Tigra! Sewing super hero with one fatal flaw – a weakness for cat prints. She tried to keep this sewing shame under wraps as she saved the world, but it was only a matter of time before the truth came out.

Finally, Liza Jane sewed herself a Tigra Top. She chose to confide in me, Detective Didyoumakethat. I gave her a saucer of milk and proceeded to ask about the terrible responsibilities of being a superhero, her new taste for sardines and what it feels like to be an Action Bombshell! Read for yourself words from the whiskers of Tigra, Cat Woman!

So, Tigra. I like the spectacles – a great teacher disguise. And the jeans – blue denim never drew curious glances. But the top! It’s floaty, it’s feminine, it’s … made from golden tiger print! What inspired the fabric choice?

Ever since the… accident, I’ve been unable to resist cat prints. Leopard, cheetah, lynx, tabby…. It makes no difference. I was browsing around my local fabric store when I spotted a batik tiger print. I was distracted by its tiny golden shiny dots. That happens a lot lately—I get distracted by any sort of flashing or blinking light. Anyway, when I saw it I pounced. I knew it would give me away, but I didn’t care.

Your outfit is unbelievably colour-coordinated with your own domestic cat! Are the two of you like Batman and Robin? Is the moggie your superhero sidekick? Have you sewn her a cape?

When the fabric was laid out on my floor about to be cut into the beautiful blouse you see here, my sidekick came and plopped her furry self right on top of it (as usual). She was totally camouflaged! All part of our courageous superhero plan. But this little kitty is no Robin.  She is a formidable foe. There is nothing domestic about her whatsoever. She is Bad. Her superpowers stem from her softness. She can tear the house apart chasing a moth and dig her claws in to newly upholstered couches. Yet when you try and strangle her, all you can think is, “…but she’s so sooooffftt…” and you start petting her instead. She crushes her enemies with cuteness. A cape is an excellent idea, by the way.

What are your special superpowers? Anything that helps with the sewing?

On the contrary, I find my new, er, tendencies interfere with sewing. I have stopped mid stitch to bat a shiny button across my sewing table. And I can’t resist swatting at dangling trims.

You’ve probably taken some sort of vow of silence, but are there any other Sewing Superheroes out there that we should know about in case they ever need civilian help in an emergency?

I’m not supposed to divulge too much information. You probably already know about Oona. She can confuse and discombobulate attackers with swaths of brightly patterned cloth. And Scruffybadger. I think we all know she’s a master of disguise. And don’t forget about Toferet. She claims she’s sewing a wedding dress right now but I’m pretty sure she’s amassing a small doll militia to fight for the end of mass-produced cheapness. There are more. Many more. But it’s classified information.

I’m going to be honest. I don’t think your cat mask isn’t doing much to disguise your identity. Can’t you make a better one? Any tips for sewing superhero disguises?

My mask is made from only the finest elementary art supplies. I’d say it’s not so shabby considering. My only advice to those seeking their own superhero disguise is to make it yourself. No villain is scared of a store-bought unitard and tights. Just sayin’.

Last question, Tigra – I can see you’re sharpening your claws. What do you think you’ve learned from making your tiger print blouse?

To always listen to that little voice in my head when choosing fabric. The one that mews, “…this could be reeeaaaallly bad.”

The interview ended somewhat abruptly. Beyond the window, Tigra spotted a greyhound chasing a kitten. In one fluid movement she was out of the house and up a tree, pouncing down on the attacker. The poor mutt didn’t stand a chance. Tigra had saved the day again and a kittie lived to tell the tail (sorry).

Where ever you are, whatever you’re doing, never forget. Tigra could be watching, and she could be wearing a golden tiger print blouse. Sometimes even superheroes get it wrong…

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20 Responses to Ugly Amnesty 8 – Tigra Roars

  1. Okay, this was the best way to start my Sunday – I was in stitches! Detective Didyoumakethat and Liza Jane are a perfect pair!

  2. Lisa says:

    Hillarious !!!!

  3. This is purrrfect! And to colour coordinate with your pet too …. that has me thinking (maybe that’s what my winter coat should be – shaggy white fur…..)
    But I have no idea what Tigra is referring to, could I really have yet another secret identity? ;-)
    Great entertaining post, really made me laugh :-)

  4. oonaballoona says:

    this was hi-larious. what an intro and reveal. oh detective, i don’t know how you kept a level head with tigra in the room. the way that cat print hugs the boobies! and the ruffles! liza jane, it’s like your girls are made of cat! BRILLIANT DISGUISE!

    (and it’s okay you’ve given away my secret, as one of my many superpowers is confusion. no no, i’m not a superhero, have a look at this orange lace paired with pollack zebra print… )

  5. Suzanne says:

    I think this has been your funniest one yet! Welcome to the club Tigra, from Miss Spotlight #2.

  6. That first picture of Liza Jane is just superb…. the face that says ‘I don’t think so’ and we know it’s not just about superscaling the brick wall.

    On the other hand, I’m sure there are a people out there who think that top is the epitome of sophistication. Oh do please Ebay it, I’m sure there’s a right lady for it somewhere… or gentleman with a penchant…

    P.S. Sweetest kitty

  7. liza jane says:

    Hahaha! So much fun to see this here.

    Thanks so much Karen! You are so incredibly awesome. I at least feel that some good came from this blouse. And I do feel I’ve been granted amnesty for my sewing crimes.

  8. Carolyn says:

    Haha; utterly hilarious!

  9. atelierfargo says:

    HA!!- thank you for such a great post Karen and Liza Jane!! There’s still something about this that works, even if it is jarring to what we perceive as “Liza Jane’s taste”! We all have those pieces that are our own flights of fancy- or should I say superpowers- it’s so much fun to see others’ come out to play once in a while. Growr Tigra!

  10. LinB says:

    MMmmrrrarwh.

  11. symondezyn says:

    LMAO I love this!!!!! Thanks for sharing, Detective! What a fabulous idea! :) And thanks, Tigra, for sharing your heartwarming story ^___^

  12. Meigan says:

    I’ve always thought there were Superheros among us! Thanks for the laugh :)

  13. baddesigner says:

    I Luv ugly amnesty! I love patternreview.com, but those expert perfect sewers are discouraging. The messups rock my world.
    I have a dirty job, and sometimes when I’ve run out of clean laundry, I wear some of these obviously homemade clothes to work. U wouldn’t believe the comments! I wish i was more brave then I’d wear my goofy ones to work all the time and I’d make a comedy tape out of it. The best one was “What are you, Susie Homemaker?” Well it keeps everyone at work awake and then we giggle at my clothes all day. One time I wore a homemade skirt to church and it looked really weird but everyone was too nice to say anything about it. I see somebody kindsa hiding a smile behind their hand.
    b.t.w. I like this cat blouse I don’t think it should be in this category. My homemade clothes look more like that green gingham dress and that little pinafore with the pocket and the baggy back. Except worse.

  14. Jolie Jozi says:

    A mourir de rire ! (Should I translate **the death of me** or hilarious, I don’t know ). Love “Ugly amnesty”, it’s always brilliant.

  15. Lisette says:

    Oh man, I just read this whole series in one sitting – how could I pass it up? I’ll have to go through my bin of me-mades that I never wear and see what ugly things I find.

  16. I confess, I just Binge-read it too. Ahh, the Humanity!

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