Pssst! PSSST! Over here, quick – before Karen spots us. It’s me, the Simplicity 2245 Lisette. You’ve probably seen me round these parts. Oh yeah, Karen asks all her strangers for permission to feature them on her blog, but does she bother asking me? Pigs would fly first!
Karen thinks I’m sooooo pretty. Sooooo cute. Like butter wouldn’t melt. ‘Oh, ickle wickle Lisette, I love you so.’ She bangs on and on, giving me the right ear ache. She don’t know the half of it. I’m a geezer, ain’t I? I just want to large it in London, get the beers down me neck and have a knees up. So when Karen tipped off the train from Cornwall, I was straight down the pub. I knew me old muckers would be waiting for me. It didn’t take long for things to go Pete Tong, though. Have a butchers, why dontcha?
Here I am with the landlord at the Duke of Yorke, a great little boozer opposite MacCulloch and Wallis. I’m pulling me favourite London Pride – an Apple Fritter (Bitter). I’ll be honest with ya, Karen can’t really keep up. She’s what we call a light weight. I thought she was going to let me down big time, but then she spotted Gorgeous George and her befuddled gaze lit up:
Gorgeous George is one half of George and Jorgen, gallery owners who’d hosted a private viewing Karen had rolled up at. You should have seen her fawning and simpering, surrounded by paintings her mate, James, had created. Honestly, she was pathetic! I couldn’t get her out of there and to the pub fast enough.
George is a geezer with class. Think a young Michael Caine and you’re almost there. He has more charisma in the end of his little finger than Karen can find in the bottom of a wine glass. I mean, look at him! What self-respecting home made dress wouldn’t want to share a bottle or two with our man? He’s the business!
Right. I’d better push off before the Trouble and Strife wakes up. I need to be in the laundry basket and out of sight when her headache kicks in.
Do me a favour – pretend you never saw my Chevy Chase (face).