For new readers, Ugly Amnesty is a spoof series of interviews led by Detective Didyoumakethat. They allow Creators to share makes that have been … less than successful. Our aim is to embrace our challenges as well as our successes – and to have some fun! You can read the rest of the series by clicking on the links in my sidebar. And if you want to be featured, get in touch. Detective Didyoumakethat always has a spare glass of whisky for visitors to his office, above the mean streets of Chicago.
Liza Jane seemed like a normal woman, living a normal life – teaching by day, sewing by night. She blogged about upholstering sofas or sewing hot pink pants. Sugar wouldn’t melt – or so the authorities thought. Great way to keep your secrets safe, by putting your sewing on the web.
The truth was somewhat different. Liza Jane’s life had changed last summer. There had been a full moon and Liza Jane was sewing. Little did she know, but her nextdoor neighbour was conducting a terrible science experiment. When dynamite destroyed his lab and her sewing machine, a splinter of petri dish embedded itself under her fingernail as she was changing the bobbin on her latest make.
That neighbour had been creating a super-cat and now, Liza Jane harboured a terrible secret.
Liza Jane WAS Tigra! Sewing super hero with one fatal flaw – a weakness for cat prints. She tried to keep this sewing shame under wraps as she saved the world, but it was only a matter of time before the truth came out.
Finally, Liza Jane sewed herself a Tigra Top. She chose to confide in me, Detective Didyoumakethat. I gave her a saucer of milk and proceeded to ask about the terrible responsibilities of being a superhero, her new taste for sardines and what it feels like to be an Action Bombshell! Read for yourself words from the whiskers of Tigra, Cat Woman!
So, Tigra. I like the spectacles – a great teacher disguise. And the jeans – blue denim never drew curious glances. But the top! It’s floaty, it’s feminine, it’s … made from golden tiger print! What inspired the fabric choice?
Ever since the… accident, I’ve been unable to resist cat prints. Leopard, cheetah, lynx, tabby…. It makes no difference. I was browsing around my local fabric store when I spotted a batik tiger print. I was distracted by its tiny golden shiny dots. That happens a lot lately—I get distracted by any sort of flashing or blinking light. Anyway, when I saw it I pounced. I knew it would give me away, but I didn’t care.
Your outfit is unbelievably colour-coordinated with your own domestic cat! Are the two of you like Batman and Robin? Is the moggie your superhero sidekick? Have you sewn her a cape?
When the fabric was laid out on my floor about to be cut into the beautiful blouse you see here, my sidekick came and plopped her furry self right on top of it (as usual). She was totally camouflaged! All part of our courageous superhero plan. But this little kitty is no Robin. She is a formidable foe. There is nothing domestic about her whatsoever. She is Bad. Her superpowers stem from her softness. She can tear the house apart chasing a moth and dig her claws in to newly upholstered couches. Yet when you try and strangle her, all you can think is, “…but she’s so sooooffftt…” and you start petting her instead. She crushes her enemies with cuteness. A cape is an excellent idea, by the way.
What are your special superpowers? Anything that helps with the sewing?
On the contrary, I find my new, er, tendencies interfere with sewing. I have stopped mid stitch to bat a shiny button across my sewing table. And I can’t resist swatting at dangling trims.
You’ve probably taken some sort of vow of silence, but are there any other Sewing Superheroes out there that we should know about in case they ever need civilian help in an emergency?
I’m not supposed to divulge too much information. You probably already know about Oona. She can confuse and discombobulate attackers with swaths of brightly patterned cloth. And Scruffybadger. I think we all know she’s a master of disguise. And don’t forget about Toferet. She claims she’s sewing a wedding dress right now but I’m pretty sure she’s amassing a small doll militia to fight for the end of mass-produced cheapness. There are more. Many more. But it’s classified information.
I’m going to be honest. I don’t think your cat mask isn’t doing much to disguise your identity. Can’t you make a better one? Any tips for sewing superhero disguises?
My mask is made from only the finest elementary art supplies. I’d say it’s not so shabby considering. My only advice to those seeking their own superhero disguise is to make it yourself. No villain is scared of a store-bought unitard and tights. Just sayin’.
Last question, Tigra – I can see you’re sharpening your claws. What do you think you’ve learned from making your tiger print blouse?
To always listen to that little voice in my head when choosing fabric. The one that mews, “…this could be reeeaaaallly bad.”
The interview ended somewhat abruptly. Beyond the window, Tigra spotted a greyhound chasing a kitten. In one fluid movement she was out of the house and up a tree, pouncing down on the attacker. The poor mutt didn’t stand a chance. Tigra had saved the day again and a kittie lived to tell the tail (sorry).
Where ever you are, whatever you’re doing, never forget. Tigra could be watching, and she could be wearing a golden tiger print blouse. Sometimes even superheroes get it wrong…